Valentine's Day - another milestone

Happy Valentine's Day. I am happy to report that I made it through the day. I got an email from a friend that was an anti valentines day card. It suggested boycotting the day. I don't agree. Every day should be valentines day for those who love. I'm really sorry if you haven't experienced the passion that comes with that kind of love. Maybe someday you will. You have to try anyway. I just know that having it once sustains you for awhile against the void that will eventually come to everyone. Memories mean so much and they don't take up a lot of room when you keep em.
I dug out every Valentine Card and flower enclosure card that I could find that Rick sent in years past and put them on the mantle. A friend gave me a heart candle holder with a small tea light candle in it that I burned. I also wore a pair of the valentine socks that Rick had bought every year.
I then went to WalMart and got a mylar heart shaped balloon that said "I Love You" and a single rose. In the WalMart parking lot I attached a small ribbon that simply said, "I Love you! Happy Valentine's Day in Heaven! to the balloon ribbon. I then cut the weight from the balloon ribbon and threw the balloon into the air. As it soared to the heavens several people were commenting, "Oh no! There goes your balloon"!!
I smiled and said..............."It's okay, its just being delivered"
I could have done that at home but it could have gotten stuck in the trees and he already knew that I was at WalMart alot. It also made for a good story for the people in the parking lot....there was this crazy lady at WalMart's today.......

After leaving WalMart I returned home and picked up my friend, Patricia for a trip to Decatur. We went to eat lunch and then stopped by an area where Rick and I used to take our boat on the Tennessee River. There was a fishing pier that we always passed by in the boat on our way out to the "Hot Spot". Whenever there were people fishing on the pier, Rick would slow to a no-wake and idle past while waving and smiling and nodding. He had such respect for others. Most other boaters would scream by, disturbing the others but not my Rick. Anyway, forgive me for babbling, I never really knew how people got to that pier but Patricia and I drove right to it. I got out of the car and walked to the pier with the rose. As I started to throw the rose into the water, to my right I saw a boat with two men in it. One of the men said, "Is that a Valentine Rose?" I said "yes it is". Then both men in the boat hollered "Happy Valentine's Day!" I tossed the rose into the water and told them that my late husband and I had often fished there where they were fishing. I asked if the crappy were biting and they said yes they had caught some. I watched the rose float away and the fishermen floated away too.
My friend thought it was quite clever that Rick somehow arranged to have a couple of old fishermen there to wish me a happy Valentines Day! I thought it would have been nice if a Big Ole Bass had come up and put the rose in its mouth...ha ha

So now you know how my day went and that I made it through ;-)

The Rain Falls Down

I really don't know how it sneeks up on me. Sometimes I just turn around and it is there. It was a decent morning when I went to early church. I enjoyed the contemporary service and again prayed for strength and something to fill this hole in my heart. As I left the church it started to drizzle and the sky turned gray. I decided to go and get my favorite muffin and a cup of coffee from Atlanta Bread to cheer me up cause all of a sudden I felt really alone in this world. I mean, I know that I'm not alone but then again, I am. Atlanta Bread was filled with couples - 0kay most of them had their laptops with them - maybe that's where I went wrong - not bringing my laptop. Then it could appear that another person at my table would just bother me.

I left after eating my Cranberry-Orange muffin and drove to the new Bridge Street Mall. This is a new Mall that has gondolas and high end shops and a great new movie theatre. I toyed with the idea of going to the movies alone but I had just missed the starting show times for the ones I wanted to see. Since it was still raining, I walked back to the car and proceeded to put on my pity party hat. Maybe I was suffering from water retention and just needed to cry to get the balance back. I don't know but I do know that this is just part of the healing and it probably happens to a lot of you reading this blog too. We are not crazy. We are slowly recovering.

While driving home I made the following list (and then crafted it into this clever poem with the help of a little Crown Royal )

Things I Miss
I miss your smile, I miss your touch,
I miss your laughter so much.
I miss your kiss, I miss your voice,
and I know you didn't have a choice.
I miss your face and your embrace,
I miss your warmth, I miss your smell,
Sometimes days without you are just plain hell.

Things I Don't Miss
I don't miss your suffering,
I don't miss your pain,
I don't miss your disease
Cancer sucks....

Okay, I am better now. I just needed to vent and share. I really am going to be okay, it is just a long bumpy road at times.

What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose,
for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us.
Helen Keller