I really don't know how it sneeks up on me. Sometimes I just turn around and it is there. It was a decent morning when I went to early church. I enjoyed the contemporary service and again prayed for strength and something to fill this hole in my heart. As I left the church it started to drizzle and the sky turned gray. I decided to go and get my favorite muffin and a cup of coffee from Atlanta Bread to cheer me up cause all of a sudden I felt really alone in this world. I mean, I know that I'm not alone but then again, I am. Atlanta Bread was filled with couples - 0kay most of them had their laptops with them - maybe that's where I went wrong - not bringing my laptop. Then it could appear that another person at my table would just bother me.
I left after eating my Cranberry-Orange muffin and drove to the new Bridge Street Mall. This is a new Mall that has gondolas and high end shops and a great new movie theatre. I toyed with the idea of going to the movies alone but I had just missed the starting show times for the ones I wanted to see. Since it was still raining, I walked back to the car and proceeded to put on my pity party hat. Maybe I was suffering from water retention and just needed to cry to get the balance back. I don't know but I do know that this is just part of the healing and it probably happens to a lot of you reading this blog too. We are not crazy. We are slowly recovering.
While driving home I made the following list (and then crafted it into this clever poem with the help of a little Crown Royal )
Things I Miss
I miss your smile, I miss your touch,
I miss your laughter so much.
I miss your kiss, I miss your voice,
and I know you didn't have a choice.
I miss your face and your embrace,
I miss your warmth, I miss your smell,
Sometimes days without you are just plain hell.
Things I Don't Miss
I don't miss your suffering,
I don't miss your pain,
I don't miss your disease
Cancer sucks....
Okay, I am better now. I just needed to vent and share. I really am going to be okay, it is just a long bumpy road at times.
What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose,
for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us.
Helen Keller
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3 comments:
Amen.
Loved the poem.
I hear ya on it just hits ya, going through the same thing being here with out my Mom.
Hurts like hell.
Yes, it totally sucks how it sneaks up on you. You think you're doing okay... and then WHAM!.. you're floored. I hate that.
Eight arms will be there tomorrow to give you a GINORMOUS hug!!!
Can't wait to see you;)
#$%#!
I love you !
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